when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
