I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
