Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
soo... how was my night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
