Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Your cock deserves a montage
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
