i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
