we're chasing vodka with high fives
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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