its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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