Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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