Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
