I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
