Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
