i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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