you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
