Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
