she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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