Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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