you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
