i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
