And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
