Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
