dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
