loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Text me some of your sweat
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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