I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
