Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
