I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
