Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
