How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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