just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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