im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
