Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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