I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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