I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
