last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
