she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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