I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
