She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
