So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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