so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
