I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
