I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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