We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
