I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
