thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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