Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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