FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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