I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
