i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
