let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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