look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
