My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
