I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am available for nakedness
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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