I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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